Wafaa’s Story
Chapter 1: What Brought Us To The United States
“I lived with my family in Iraq: my mother, my sister, my brothers and my daughter. I have six brothers. As soon as I got divorced ( I got married when I was 18; it was a family arrangement ), I got separated from my family, because when a woman gets divorced in my country, she faces a lot of discrimination. My mother and my sister were always on my side, but my brothers didn’t approve of my divorce. They wanted to control everything, including my personal life. When Batool reached teenage years she wanted to spend time with her friends, but they wouldn’t let her. She used to have very long hair. One day all the students ( boys and girls) from her school went to a restaurant. When my brother found out about the fact that she went out with her classmates, he cut her hair short as a punishment for her “inappropriate behavior”. It stressed her out a lot. She didn’t do anything wrong. After that she started having seizures. I remember when I received a call from school, and the principal told me: “ Your daughter fell down”. I asked: “ Is she feeling dizzy?”. They said they didn’t know, but she fell down shaking. Another epileptic seizure happened during our walk outside in the park. After that I took her to the hospital. At the hospital they had to transfer her to another medical facility to check her out better. After the doctors did an EEG, they diagnosed her with epilepsy. Since that day they put her on medication. But she wasn’t getting any better. Her seizures would repeat every 2-3 days. She suffered from pressure in the family”.
Chapter 2: In Search Of Medical Help
“An acquaintance of mine gave me information about the surgeon in Florida, who might have operated Batool. We applied for the visa. It was approved, and we came to the United States. But the doctor said that surgery would not be an option at the moment, and that it’s better to treat epilepsy with pills. Then he would see if the treatment works. After two years she started treatment she feels better. She is still taking pills, but her health condition has improved a lot! So I decided to take my daughter here, because she has no future in the Middle East. I would not wish for her to live all her life in stress and total control. After my family discovered that we applied for asylum in the U.S. they threatened to follow us and return us home. They tried putting us in a trouble. But my sister and my mother have always helped and supported us. If we need money, she would always send us some money. Then I told my brothers that I wouldn’t talk to them if anyone tries creating more problems than I already have. I promised to block their messages if they kept on threatening us. So my brothers stopped harassing us. All they messaged me was: “ Hi! How are you?”. And that’s it. It’s the scope of our relationship”.
Chapter 3: Why Being An Asylum Seeker Is So Exhausting
“In May 2016 my daughter Batool and I applied for asylum in the United States. It has been 5 years, and we still have no legal status here. Asylum seekers have immunity to deportation, but that’s about all the “privileges” we get.
Trying to speed up the immigration process, I wrote to the senator of Massachusetts asking for assistance in moving forward our asylum seeker case. I explained our situation: that we have been waiting for the court hearing since 2016. But we didn’t get a response up until recently. All we can do is to apply for work permits every 2 years. We have just renewed it now. The renewal fee for both of us is $1000. It’s not cheap.
Anyway, we got a response from the immigration office that due to the coronavirus pandemic all the cases are delayed for review. After 2-3 months the senator got the response from USCIS that they asked me to contact my lawyer, so they could say whether we are eligible for the interview or not. I thought it wasn’t much help, because nothing has happened. I don’t intend to travel or to leave the U.S., but I just want to know when I will get an interview. Basically, they redirected all my inquiries to my lawyer. And the lawyer tells us to wait. That’s all he advises us.
I am sure that if we get interview, we will be approved for getting a refugee status. We show good moral character, we work, we pay taxes. We simply want to have peace of mind. Our lawyer doesn’t tell us anything except for making us wait.
I went to charity organizations, to Christian services. They don’t know much about immigration legislation, especially regarding asylum seekers. They provide help to refugees, but we don’t have an immigration status yet. We came here by visa, and then we applied for asylum in the U.S. We are legal, we didn’t break any immigration laws. Refugees do get help: food stamps, financial assistance, housing support, etc. Here in Massachusetts, the government sent Batool an application for disability to fill out, because she has epilepsy. We asked the lawyer if we should go ahead with it, but he didn’t recommend doing it. He told us accepting any help from the government will negatively affect our asylum case. But I think she should get some help, because Batool is sick. She works as much as she can. But she is eligible for help. We didn’t asked our insurance company for the application, it was sent to us.
Any financial aid she could get, would be crucial to our family. The lawyer has always discouraged us from trying to get any help from the government. He is sure it will be bad for our immigration process. Although I believe that this approach could have changed after the Presidential election 2020. Now, when Trump is not the president anymore, the immigration system might have taken a different direction, an asylum seeker-friendly one. I do have many questions about the immigration situation in general, but I don’t know whom to ask all these questions”.
Chapter 4: Muslim Women and Hijab
“Women are obligated to be obedient in many ways living in Iraq. We have to wear hijab. I doesn’t matter whether it is your choice or not. 90% of women do not want to wear hijab. It is forced within their families. I don’t say it’s wrong. Even in Christianity or Judaism women cover their head. But if you force a woman ( for instance, my brothers forced Batool to wear hijab since she turned 9), then it’s wrong. They said: “ It’s our religion. You must wear it!”. Meanwhile she was a child back then. I don’t want to wear it. When I came here I took it off. Batool did the same. Neither of us wear hijab”.
Chapter 5: Future Plans and Importance Of Choice
“I like living in the U.S. better than in my home country. I learned English taking classes from the British Council. I am genuinely interested in languages. I want to learn German.
Here I would like to be a beauty advisor in the medical field. It has been three years since I started working as a CNA ( Certified Nursing Assistant). But I would like to go back to college. I want to study something else in medical field".
Final Thoughts...
"When we came here, we met people from other cultures. They invited us to go to the church. Now we know that people can live their lives the way they choose to do it. Normally. It’s a big difference between here and there. I do celebrate some cultural holidays. But we go to church. We have a great community here. They are quiet. They don’t force us to do anything against our will. This is what I like about Christianity. I am a human being, and I have a choice!”
Batool’s Story
Batool on the toxic work environment
“I had to prove myself at work. In our country we don’t say what we feel. If someone is older than you and they are being rude to you at work, you don’t say: “Don’t be rude to me”. Americans are good with that. They can easily say: “ Hey, don’t talk to me like that!” When I encountered disrespect at work, I would just be silent. I had the right to say “No, do not talk to me like this!”. Instead I thought that the person was older than me ( she was in her 50s), she was my supervisor. Nevertheless, she was rude and she didn’t have the right to talk to me the way she did. I closed my eyes on that problem for the whole first year which I spent working at Walmart. I had some friends at my job. One of them was a manager. He told me that I should not put up with such a negative attitude, and don’t let anyone, even my boss, treat me poorly. That was difficult. But an occasion presented itself, and once I stood for myself, I told my supervisor to stop talking to me in such a rude manner. She was shocked. She didn’t expect me to suddenly change from the silent person who has never open up her mouth or protected herself to someone who could speak up. I went up to my manager and finally told about abusive behavior I suffered from for so long. I felt so good afterwards. She was racist. Not only she had bad feelings against me personally, she hated Mexicans, Indians, etc.”
Batool on how immigration can help cope with depression
"Before the immigration I was depressed, I used to take antidepressants, because of what happened in my family. My family controlled me all the time. If I did something wrong my uncles would beat me. They used to keep me isolated from my friends. I had some friends at school, but I wasn’t able to go out with them or spend time together after school. Their attitude to me as to their property ended up in me getting seizures. Up until now I take special anti-epilepsy medication. But I am getting better. We stopped all communication with my uncles. So my mental health and my depression got better after my mother and I started a new life here, in the United States. I can say that I feel safe here. I can call U.S. my home".
Did you have any language barrier when you came here?
“No, I spoke English back there. But when we arrived here, I started practicing it more. My mother tongue is Arabic”.
Batool on biases and racism in the Middle East
“I was in Dubai, in a private school, and I experienced racism even there. Arabic people from different countries of the Middle East don’t necessarily live happily together. For example, my mother felt it on her skin. She is Iraqi, she wanted to marry a Kurdish man. Her family was strongly against the idea, because of his ethnic origin. So racism and xenophobia are not new to me. We experienced them already, back at home. I see it as a human nature. But at least the law here is opposed to any racism. But in our countries the law is in the hands of families who rule these countries. They are main providers of rights for the people. People’s lives are not valuable there. At least here there is a law”.
Batool on the American culture and communication practices between people
“I understand the American culture at about 40 to 50%. Frankly speaking, I can’t see myself with an American-born boyfriend. We were brought up differently. I do not understand American jokes. I came here when I was 19, not a child anymore. I was raised in a culture different from American”.
Is it important for you to follow certain cultural traditions of your country, to teach your future children Arabic, and simply be in touch with your roots, your origin?
Batool on ethic roots and gender inequality in her home country
Is it important for you to follow certain cultural traditions of your country, to teach your future children Arabic, and simply be in touch with your roots, your origin?
“It depends on whom I am going to marry. I won’t impose any religious or cultural traditions on my children. I will not make them obey any specific cultural requirements against their will. I am going to let them choose their way. I am going to tell them the good from bad—and nothing more! I want to be honest with them. I feel that our people [ Arabic] are not honest. My uncles were constantly forbidding me from doing this or that. They felt entitled to tell me what to do only because there are men. They used to tell me that I was inferior to them, because I am a woman. Imagine how it feels to be constantly put down! In our country, up until today, if a husband ever doubts in his wife’s loyalty, he has the right to kill her. And the government supports that. They call it "honor kill". I know many stories like this. The women have been killed solely for being suspected of cheating or simply talking to another man. My uncles have the same mentality”.